Hello My Name is Inigo Montoya: How to Meet and Greet in Mozambique

First impressions are important. That’s why you should know the Mozambican way to greet people, for when you meet all my friends that I’m going to have by the time you visit me. That’s right, you’re going to visit me. And I’m going to have friends.

Just kidding. I do have some friends. It’s just a long process.

Every time I run into someone I know (which is every 4 minutes, because my town is made up of one street), we perform one of the two requisitory national secret handshakes.

The Down-Up-Down:

1. Grasp the person’s hand in a handshake.








2. Move your fingers up so they’re touching the other person’s wrist, as if you were arm wrestling.








3. And then back down again.

You may have to hold the person’s hand for the entire conversation. Do not be alarmed. They are not trying to propose.* 

The Press-and-Flick: 

Shake the person’s hand, and then press your thumb against theirs and flick it.

The Knuckle Tap:

Warning: be careful not to accidentally tickle someone’s palm, throw yourself onto someone’s bed, or lick your lips seductively, because that is code for “I want to do more than just meet and greet you.” We had an entire training session specifically on this topic, including a demonstration of a seductive lip-lick.

*sometimes they are.