Sunday, May 27, 2012

If Cockroaches had wings...

Now that I've been in Mozambique for a full 4% of my life, I like to think I have a certain level of expertise on living here. That level is described in the following analogy:

Steph is to life in Mozambique as a 4th grader is to her first concert when she was so proud to be dressed up in black and white like a real performer, but then she watched the video 10 years later and realized she forgot to play the b flats and auditorily resembled a flock of arguing ducks.

So in case you ever find yourself in the same situation, I'm including a list of things I've already figured out for you.

  • 6 o’clock means 6am. 18 o’clock means 6pm.
  • Do not shake hands or serve food with left hand.
  • If you plant something out of season, it won’t grow.
  • If you’re cooking something you’ve never seen before, leave plenty of time for preparation, ask for help, and have a back-up plan.
  • It is possible to work hard and still get 8 hours of sleep a night.
  • Some things get bigger when you prepare them for consumption, like rice, beans, and oatmeal.
  • Some things shrink down to nothing, like tomatoes and leafy vegetables, and water if you forget about it.
  • If you do something silly, you feel sillier.
  • Friendship requires effort, but can’t be forced.
  • Bugs can eat holes through a pile of students’ notebooks left on the floor.
  • When you are hungry, there are few foods that you don’t like.
  • If you trip in front of all your students, just laugh to yourself and keep walking.
  • When pouring water any higher than waist level from a full 20-liter bucket, move non-waterproof things in the surrounding area out of the way.
  • Cockroaches can fly.

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