Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Countries that start with "M"

I spent a total of 351 Rotations of the Earth in Mexico...

...and last week marked my 351st Earthly Rotation in Mozambique.

My experience in the latter M-country is proving to be nothing like the one in the former, but since I love patterns and pictures, here are some things I did in both countries:


Consumed some edibles (Mexico izquierda, Mozambique direita)


Did some work


Extended my family



Gained some weight



Played with cute kids


Took a moment to ponder the meaning of life…




…and then realized there’s no such thing

Met some people I’ll never forget




525,600 Minutes


How do you measure a year?

  • Thunderstorms
  • Sunrises
  •  Jars of peanut butter
  • Cups of Cabanga (a drink made from ground fermented corn)
  • Kilos of beans
  • Cornmeal mush patties (the staple food in Mozambique)
  • Boxes of matches
  • Mangoes
  • Burned meals
  • Pumpkins
  • Buckets of water
  • Cockroaches
  • Heads of cabbage
  • Mataquenhas (friendly little creatures that nestle under the skin of your toes)
  • Punctured soccer balls
  • Students with confused expressions
  • Minutes waiting for a ceremony to begin, a meeting to start, people to show up, transportation to arrive, internet to work, waiting, waiting, waiting…

Here's to another year full of minutes!



Sunday, September 2, 2012

"It's not Ee-gor, it's Igor"

In the beginning of the year, I went to my first day of classes to find 438 faces staring back at me, and a list of 438 names.

Of the original 438, about 30 are now considered “desistidos,” (the opposite of ‘exist’) which means that they stopped showing up to classes and consequently were scratched off the school roster.

I tried to leave No Child Behind. But when there are more than 400 of them, and sometimes only 9 students in a class of 50 show up, it’s difficult to assess the situation of each one. With vastly different levels of ability in each class, before designing each lesson I find myself having to decide which students I want to teach to today: those who can follow my grammar explanations and speak up when they don’t understand and correct my Portuguese when I make the same spelling mistake on the board 6 classes in a row, or the students who have made it all the way to eighth grade without learning how to read?

That is why most of my students are stuck. In the high school I high-schooled in, a student who was struggling might catch the attention of teachers, and be picked up and put back on their feet before they needed to repeat a grade. In the high school I am teaching in, 23 over-worked teachers cover 12 different subjects for 1,000 kids. A struggling student can easily slip by unnoticed, simply because there is not enough staff to seek them out and address their needs. Even the most motivated kids may end up failing a class because they happened to be absent on the day of the test that determined their grade for the entire trimester, or they won’t continue past 10th grade because their family can’t afford to send them to live in the city 1.5 hours away, the nearest location offering 11th and 12th grade. Regardless of my efforts, many of my kids will be stuck working in their family's field for the rest of their lives.

The least I can do is learn their names.

Did I mention I adopted fiftythreeuplets? They are now 13 years old.

I found this plea at the end of a homework that a student handed in

Singing and snapping to our favorite song, "I am running and I have the ball"

Meet the director of the General Secondary School of Nauela.
No, I am not posting this picture just because I look tall.
I am actually the one on the left.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Which switched witch watched which switch watch?

Sometimes, to really understand something that you think you’ve known all your life, you need to look at it from the point of view of another viewpoint.

I am speaking, of course, of tongue twisters.

First of all, do tongue twisters really twist your tongue? I don’t remember my tongue ever accidentally curling into a triple pronged clover, or whatever you call that cool trick, during an attempt to describe where She sells her seashells.

Second of all, let's look at the sentences themselves. After failing to find the equivalent of “tongue twister” in Portuguese, I settled on calling them senseless sentences, because that’s what they really are. Don’t let them fool you. How do you pick a pepper that’s already pickled? Or is Peter Piper not actually in his garden picking peppers, but in the grocery store, picking out which brand he wants? Does he want sweet and sour, or a jar of wickles?

These Sensless Sentences are tricky, too. For almost two decades, I imagined a woodchuck gnawing on wood, seeing how many logs he could get through. Only when I was in front of my class explaining the meaning of the sentence in Portuguese did I realize that “chuck” actually means “throw.” Now the image of the woodchuck, who, until this revelation, looked kind of like a beaver in my mind, has grown muscles and is in a field chucking wood, javelin-style.

We start off every lesson with a senseless sentence. Now, I’m wondering if it would be appropriate to teach my kids this one: I am a mother pheasant plucker, I pluck mother pheasants. I am the best mother pheasant plucker that ever plucked a mother pheasant.







above: my colleague teaches our English club a song and dance

Sunday, August 12, 2012

One and a Two and a Three


The reason I joined the Peace Corps, and maybe even the meaning of life, has made itself clear to me, in the form of 12 simple hand movements and some wiggling in time to a tune.

I have successfully converted approximately 178 Nauelans into Macarena-lovers, only a few thousand to go.  I wish I could bring you images of the spectacle that took place at the school this past Friday, when 10 of my students and I donned ski masks, dresses, and nose glasses to dance our new favorite dance in front of the whole school. But alas, my camera in now in the hands of another owner, a relocation unathorized by me.

If all I leave with my dear adorable 8th graders is the image of their strange, foreign English teacher trying to shake her butt, this mission will not be a failed one.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Do-it-yourself: Board Games

Materials:

- 1 square of cardboard
- scissors
- colorful pens
- 24 bottle caps
- 2 artistic children




Friday, July 13, 2012

Hello My Name is Inigo Montoya: How to Meet and Greet in Mozambique

First impressions are important. That’s why you should know the Mozambican way to greet people, for when you meet all my friends that I’m going to have by the time you visit me. That’s right, you’re going to visit me. And I’m going to have friends.

Just kidding. I do have some friends. It’s just a long process.

Every time I run into someone I know (which is every 4 minutes, because my town is made up of one street), we perform one of the two requisitory national secret handshakes.

The Down-Up-Down:

1. Grasp the person’s hand in a handshake.








2. Move your fingers up so they’re touching the other person’s wrist, as if you were arm wrestling.








3. And then back down again.







You may have to hold the person’s hand for the entire conversation. Do not be alarmed. They are not trying to propose.* 



The Press-and-Flick: 


Shake the person’s hand, and then press your thumb against theirs and flick it.


The Knuckle Tap:


Warning: be careful not to accidentally tickle someone’s palm, throw yourself onto someone’s bed, or lick your lips seductively, because that is code for “I want to do more than just meet and greet you.” We had an entire training session specifically on this topic, including a demonstration of a seductive lip-lick.

*sometimes they are.

Sunday, July 1, 2012

The Things I Carried

Q: What are you glad you brought to Mozambique?

A: 






Next item I will be requesting from home: nose glasses with darker noses

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

This is the way we wash our clothes, so early in the morning

It’s true, though. I wash my clothes at 5 in the morning.

Here is my washing machine:


The first bucket holds soapy water, and then come two rinses, but by the end of the load, all three buckets are so soapy that your clothes will wash you when you put them on with the soap residue that’s in them. Scrub the clothes together for awhile, until you feel like they’re clean. This amount of time varies depending on how visibly dirty the clothes are, how many clothes you still have left to get through, and what time you have to be at your first class. Apparently, there is a correct way to wash clothes, but according to my host sister I just can’t get that scrubbing motion right. But I haven’t noticed anyone holding their nose when they come near me, and I can still tell the original color of all of my shirts, so I’m not too worried.

Here is my dryer:


The sun and wind dry clothes with considerable speed. But, make sure you washed all the dirt out of the butt of your pants, because when you hang them on the line, all the neighbors will be able to clearly see that you gave up half way through that large splotch of mud. How embarrassing!

Friday, June 15, 2012

Does a chicken have lips?

(dedicated to Heifer Farm, where I witnessed my first chicken massacre)
What to do if your dinner is alive when you buy it:

1.      Catch chicken (warning: requires agility, and sometimes leaps and dives)
2.      Until dinner time, store in a safe/elevated location where your friend’s dog can’t reach it



3.      Hold down wings and legs with your feet
4.      Chop off head


5.      Pour boiling water on body to loosen the feathers; de-feather


6.      Slice off the little tail part that no one eats but no one knows why


7.      Hack open breast bone to reveal entrails
8.      Examine heart and lungs and any other organ you happen to find intriguing
9.      Dig hands in and remove guts (picture available upon request)
10.  Put in a pot over a roaring fire with other stuff that you happen to have in your house, like potatoes and tomatoes and chewy bits of stale candy canes



11.  Feed it to friends first in case you accidentally poisoned it



Congratulations! You have prepared a chicken.

(don't try this at home) (but if you do, take pictures)