Peace Corps: Lose Yourself

Dedicated to Sienna, who is where I was two years ago (literally)

You know how they say that during an experience like the Peace Corps, you’ll find yourself?

Bullshit.

On the contrary. You will be lost.

Even if you can physically locate yourself, and the path home is etched in your flip flops, you’ll look around at least once a week and think, “How did I end up here?”

You’ll drop some old habits and pick up new ones; others you’ll introduce to your new friends. You’ll feel out of place, you’ll want to fit in but you never will, you’ll question how to act. You’ll think, “Wait, who am I?” and well, damn, you probably won’t figure it out.

Why do we have to “discover ourselves?” I’m the Me who I am right now and it doesn’t matter if there’s a lot I don’t understand. I’m 100% Me and I love Me and there are lots of Yous that I love too, and I want every You to love You too, even if you’re as lost as I am. Even though you are as lost as I am.

You don’t have to be in the Peace Corps to lose yourself. Getting lost is about opening to new ideas, shutting your mouth and listening, letting go, forgetting, being. When you get lost, you don’t eventually find your old self again, you build a new self that is continuous with your old self. No, I didn’t “find myself” in Mozambique. Whether I’m trying to aim into a tiny latrine hole in the depths of Mozambique, or trying to remember whether I should take the 72 or 72A bus home in a metropolis of Mexico, or doing a Google search for “how to be more out-going” in the suburbs of the US, I’m probably lost and confused. But it’s all part of building that Me.